Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
