You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
