im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
