I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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