Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
