Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
