Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
