Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
