I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i think i just lost a toe
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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