his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
