Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
