I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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