You're my little dorito
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
