Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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