The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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