we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
