I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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