I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
