I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
