The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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