just tell him i said nine months
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
