he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
