The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
