Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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