sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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