I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
