AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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