I am puke
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
