shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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