that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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