it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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