my mouth tastes like poor choices
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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