I need help removing her.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
