a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
