my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
