Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
