I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
