Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
