I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I had to cum in my sink.
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