I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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