How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
