everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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