its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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