It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
