I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Are we still banned from the library?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
