Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
