Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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