I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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