Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
