HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
