Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
